Cloud Girlfriend: the cheap, detached alternative to human contact


Another day, another story I have to rub my eyes in order to believe. Today’s is quite funny, if a tad disturbing.

April 26th sees the launch of a new dating service, Cloud Girlfriend. The service is for starters free, “unlike your last date” they cry.* With it you create your own perfect partner and he or most likely she will leave messages for you on social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter, giving your friends and any potential love-interests the impression that you are quite the playah.

Yeah, I said playah.

The 4 easy steps to activate the service, according to the website:

  1. Define your perfect girlfriend
  2. Cloud Girlfriend brings her into existence
  3. Connect and interact with her publicly on your favorite social network
  4. Enjoy a public long distance relationship with your perfect girl

The posts will reportedly come from real women, not bots, and to your specifications. Are you creeped out yet?

This could be you

And here are a few words from co-founder David Fuhriman:

“What we are creating blurs the lines between reality and imagination. We allow people to define their ideal self, find their perfect girlfriend or boyfriend and connect and interact as if that person existed.”

The creators also believe that the service could be oddly instructive, teaching users how to manage their relationships. Mmm, that would be more believable if the relationships were real, and the people posting were invested in each other.

Where the site gets patronising and creepy is the duping-potential-love-interests aspect.

Cloud Girlfriend’s tagline is: “The easiest way to get a girlfriend is to already have one”. The site aims to make users more appealing to the fairer sex by making them appear unavailable.

The rationale behind this is quite awful. To get a girlfriend, you must HAVE a girlfriend. Ladies, does this trouble you at all? To know that you are all potential man stealers waiting for the social signal that a man is desirable before taking action?

Nothing drives us wenches wild with desire more than to know we must oust someone else to walk the path of true lo—wait a second, you tricked us! This is no basis for a relationship at all!

I doubt this will be the new eHarmony, its appeal is…niche at best and oh to be a fly on the wall if you manage to nab a girl/boyfriend this way and decide to come clean.

What could happen if your virtual girlfriend goes rogue

*If you bitch about details like paying for dinner as if you’re therefore entitled to a feel of some boob, you quite frankly deserve to be alone. Besides, shoes don’t come cheap and most modern, enlightened young ladies offer to go Dutch.


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